Keep in mind that people many times want to feel heard more than they care about whether you agree with them. There are many people who complain about others not hearing them, yet they don't listen to others either!

Work on your listening skills to improve them. The majority of people think they listen well, but the truth is that most of people don't listen at all, they just speak and then think already about what they're going to say next. Good listening often means asking good questions and clearing your mind of distractions, including what you're going to say next, whom you're meeting with next, or what's going on outside. When someone makes prickly comments or complaints, there's often a concern or fear lurking. Like a detective, ask questions that get to the bottom of someone's real concern or agenda. Only then can you have a truly rich, beneficial conversation. Be aware that what someone says and what we hear can be amazingly different!

All of us have a personal filter, our assumptions, judgments and beliefs can warp what we hear. To avoid believing something another person did not want to say, we can repeat back or summarize to ensure we understood. Restate what you think you heard and ask, "Have I understood you correctly?" If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone said, say so, and ask for more information: "I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. What I thought you just said is (your subject); is that what you meant?"

Tell me more about your concern "or "What is it about (your subject) that concerns you?"
You could also say "I'm interested in what you've just said”. “Can you share a bit about what lead you to that belief?" or "What would have to happen for you to be more comfortable with (your subject)?"

Both in work situations and in private life people tell us situations they are in and with our own experience in mind we would like to offer help and advice, which we think might benefit another person. I know it is difficult not to, but don't offer advice unless asked. Smarter you use respectful expressions such as "One potential option is..." or "One thing that helped me in a similar situation was (your subject). I'd be happy to share more about my experience if you think it'd be helpful to you" instead of saying "You should do (your subject)."

Finally always work to keep a positive mental focus. Professional athletes and cultural leaders, who are considered skilful and successful, work to maintain a positive mind-set. You can ask yourself "What's great about this?" or "What can I learn from this?" to help maintain a positive attitude. Don't forget to adopt a variety of stress reduction practices that work best for you. All this information provides impulses for thought rather than counsel specifically designed to meet the needs of your situation. Please use it mindfully. The most effective communication plan should be tailored to your unique needs, so don't hesitate to get individualized assistance from a communication expert.

Now you have the skills and knowledge to become a good speaker and listener you need to put it into practice, in the next chapter we will discuss how you can communicate better within the work place.

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